Thursday, September 8, 2011

Movie Review: Countess Dracula's Orgy of Blood

  If it doesn't matter to you that a movie has no script, bad-acting, no real direction, and is otherwise crap as long as large-breasted vampire-women get topless and make-out, then you will love this film.

The story opens in the lat 1900's in Southern California, which seems to have a vampire problem.  Dumas's (Dumb-ass's) sister Roxanne is the thrall of two vampire siblings; Diana and Lord Ruthven, who are fighting for Roxanne's affections.  Dumas and a local priest Padre Jacinto discover the vampire's lair, to late to save Roxanne from becoming a vampire herself.  They manage to stake Diana and stick a silver dagger into Ruthven while he is in his coffin.  Jacinto vows to fight vampires for the rest of his life.

The majority of the film is like this.
 In modern times, Dracula himself is a hip-cat living in LA and just digging being an undead blood-sucker in the 20th century.  He discovers his old-pal Ruthven is buried nearby, and sends one of his daughters out to revive him and deliver to him the Ruthvenian, a kind of vampire bible.  Ruthven is revived and is starving, but when he goes to a local strip-club to feed on one of the girls, Lilith, he discovers he has been cursed and cannot feed.  He consults the Ruthvenian, he discovers that because his bloodstream has been poisoned by the consecrated silver-dagger, he can only feed on blood filtered through another vampire.  So, Ruthven reluctantly revives his sister.



Lesbian vampires... doing it wrong.

 Diana goes to the same strip-club and is attracted to the same girl, successfully feeding on her and turning her into a vampire as well.  Ruthven and Diana once again seek out Roxanne, and when Diana finds her she brings her back to her brother to taunt him.  In retaliation, Ruthven stakes Diana once more, and then revives Roxanne, only to find out that she loves Diana.  Just as Ruthven is about to stab Roxanne with the silver dagger, the spirit of Jacinto shows up and forces Ruthven to stab himself. 

For some reason, I can't look away.
 Dracula, realizing that his old-pals are stirring-up too much trouble, send his daughter to tell them to get their act together.  Instead, she finds Lilith and Roxanne, and invites them back to Dracula's pad, to party for all eternity.

 You will find much better vampire-porn with a simple Google search.

No comments:

Post a Comment