Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Movie Review: Necromancer

  You know, with this blog entry, I have concluded that I have watched a lot of crap in the search of some horror entertainment.

 Let's see.  Its the 1980's and you are a mildly hot blond in college.  You are dating jock-stud, who is nothing but respectful, sensitive, and naive about your sordid past... you know, in the past when you dated one of your professors.  Sure, you were interested in your older lover, but you have to admit that the relationship also helped your GPA.  As you are, you're not very good for much else than eye-candy for the local thugs who (due to I am certain some government assistance program) also happen to be in pursuit of a college education. 

 The thugs, desperate for a passing grade, raid your old professor/lover's office and find a love-letter you wrote.  Among these three credits to our society is a true psychopath who, smitten with and spurned by you, decides to rape you.  He holds this letter proving your affair with your professor, which you fear will lead not only to the end of your current relationship but also get you kicked out of school. 

 Do you call the cops?  No.  Do you maybe hire some thugs of your own to "take care of" the problem?  No.  Instead, you do what any rational person would do.
 You visit a gypsy performing rituals in her garage and have her send a demon to kill those who have hurt you.  Yeah... that's what I would do.

 There is a downside, though.  First, the demon tends to take your form when lashing out at your enemies.  Not a big deal really, I mean, you want your enemies to know you were the cause of their doom, right?  Of course, leaving your finger-prints and hair samples at the bloody murder scenes might be problematic.  The real problem is that this demon has blurry aim, going after ANYONE who hurts you, including your confused, yet devoted beau who you get into a spat with over your weird behavior.

 Yep, that's Necromancer in a nut-shell.

 Weak special effects, horrible acting, and a story written to find excuses to get the female lead topless is what you get with this film, and not much else.  The male pagan-geek peddling around on a bicycle and challenging the forces of darkness (and losing... because GOOD is DUMB) is about the most realistic aspect of the whole flic. 

 Check out Necromancer at your own peril.  It is 2 hours of your life you will never get back.

No comments:

Post a Comment